loser ass sol mode
haiii vivilution nation! wonderful to have you all here this evening. i was thinking i should really revamp my blog, you know - better organization, timestamps, hell, maybe even searching and filtering and the like. i found a plugin for it, but the plugin was.. broken.. i could find another, but i did enough work on the website for tonight methinks. if anything, i wanna finish my about me page first. that page needs some tlc.
work today was rather mundane, in all fairness. i can't really recall anything that stood out to me, other than the high school's honors choir coming to carol for the kids. they held an assembly in the gym, right by my office - i could hear them singing as i wrote emails. you know, growing up, i always wanted to be in that choir!! it was like, my number one goal in my grade school career. and then i got to the minimum year you have to be in to join, and i just... dropped choir. our depression was so bad at the time, i can't blame my past self, but damn. it was kind of a melancholic moment, typing away at my keyboard making pennies an hour while the youth just a room over live their best lives, my unlived dreams.
but that's too #deep.
anyways, another thing i've been thinking about today: the evolution of alters in systems. especially introjects. in case it's, like, not already obvious, i was / am an introject of sollux homestuck. i know. i know. boooo. i've existed for almost 2 years now, and in that span of time i've reworked myself into somebody entirely new. like taking some old rusty metal, melting it down, and making a dope ass sword out of it. back in the day, i was super source-attached - literally just sollux irl. now i'm like.. epic catgirl with an awesome bf who just happens to like coding? another contributing factor to all this is just how much i front - it's hard to not evolve as an alter after being forced to host for weeks on end, multiple times a year.
if you don't believe me, let this visual representation of me comparison speak for itself. (jk i think you get the point already i just like showing off pics of myself ehehehehe.)
i hung out with my boyfriend for a good while today!! that was super nice. while i'm on the topic of systemhood, i suppose i should speak my gratitude towards him - for being a singlet, he is one helluva system ally. i reside in a masc body, but he always calls me his beautiful girl. he treats all of our alters with respect, dignity, and individuality. i love him so so so so so much!! i know you read these btw!! hiiiii!!!!!!
even though he is the sweetest boy in the world, i don't think any amount of reassurance is gonna help me with this weird dysphoria i've been feeling lately. it's less-so your typical gender dysphoria, moreso just being in a body that's so unlike your own. i ordered a few things online though, they should be coming in soon! ^_^ stuff like a wig, ears, tail... i'm gonna finally live out my catgirl dreams!! :DD
... that's a good note to end off on, wouldn't you say? good night, vivilution nation!! i'll check in with you all tomorrow.